Momfessions

Somehow I've manage to have people in my life who wonder how I have it all together or they will call me a super mom. I'm sorry, WHAT?! I am here to tell you that I neither have it all together nor do I consider myself a super mom. With young kids, I am in the years of survival mode and am treading water many days. So, I wanted to be super real with y'all today and bring y'all some momfessions; confessions of a hot mess mama.

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At least once a week I forget to brush the kids' teeth before we leave for school. Sorry teachers.

My kids are hungry approximately one million times a day. I figure if I either ignore them or say “ok, in a few minutes” at least half of the time they ask for a snack I figure I’m surely saving a few dollars a week on our grocery bill.

I chose not to breastfeed Porter because even just thinking about it gave me anxiety. I might have had to be put in an institution if I hadn't chosen formula. I was in a better headspace with Gibson, and we made it a year! Do what works, mama.

Evan stayed in a crib until he was over 3 years old, and I would have loved to keep him in there longer. I miss the days of a bed a kid can’t escape.

Our TV is on WAY more than the recommended hours per day. Like WAY more. Like sometimes my kids can quote an episode of their favorite show line for line. I try to choose shows that have some sort of educational value, but my kids also love Captain Underpants. It's probably totally fine.

Sometimes I vacuum the floors just so I can't hear the boys whining for a few minutes. It's the perfect volume to drown them out.

I look forward to the day when I can do things to annoy my kids that they currently do to me. Like cry outside the bathroom door. Or wake them up right when they fall asleep on the couch to tell them my sock fell off. Or say their name at the start every question and sentence and then not stop talking for 5 minutes straight. So much satisfaction.

When Porter is pooping I'll find something to be busy with so that when we get the inevitable "I'm reeeeady!" summon from the bathroom, Jonathan will be the one who gets the honor of wiping.

Some nights when Jonathan and I are just ready for the boys to be in bed, we convince them it would be fun to just sleep in the clothes they already have on instead of changing into pajamas. I hope this trick lasts a long time.

I've gotten really good at hiding all of the coloring sheets and "treasures" the boys come home with. And by "hide" I mean throw away. On more than one occasion I've helped them look for something I know for a fact is sitting in the dump somewhere.

I am possibly the least sympathetic mom when it comes to whining. Zero tolerance policy here. Want to ensure I won’t give you what you're asking me for? Whine about it.

If the baby is having trouble going to or staying asleep, I’ll assume it’s due to some sort of discomfort that only tylenol can cure.

Friends, I am taking the whole mom thing day by day and just trusting that God is in control and that my kids will turn out ok! And that I won't give them too many things to talk to their therapists about one day.

So what are some of your momfessions? Let me know in the comments. Instagram is my favorite, so come along for the ride @coldcoffeehotmess. I am also on Facebook!