Today I am happy to share my first ever guest post, written by Nancy Morgan.
Chosen. We all want to be chosen for something. We are the kid on the playground that wasn't chosen. We are the child that the parent didn't choose, the teenager that wasn't the one chosen by the cute popular boy, the wife whose husband didn't choose them, the friend who feels she wasn't chosen by her friends, the parent who wasn't chosen by her kids, the employee who wasn't chosen for the job or promotion. The list can go on and on.
For most of my life I have longed to "feel" chosen. It started at an early age. I felt if my dad could have chosen a child he would have chosen a boy or a well-version of my older sister. I felt like my mom chose to die and be with my sister instead of living and being with me. My dad chose a life without me. The first recollection I have of being chosen is by Gammah (my grandmother). She took me when I felt no one else wanted me. She loved me. Then she died. And the need to be chosen started over again.
At sixteen my dad dropped me off at a friend's and told me he'd be back on Sunday, and he never showed up. He chose a different life and not me. That began the downward spiral of my teens and well into most of my life. I desperately wanted to be chosen, to feel chosen. And I made some mistakes searching for "chosen".
I entered into relationships, both romantic and friendly just to be chosen. I chased the wrong people and the wrong things begging them to choose me. I went into an explosive marriage thinking eventually he would choose me. I held on to this marriage while I still chased others and other things, hoping and praying someone, anyone would choose me. And I thought that whoever chose me, that's where I would stay. At the end of this marriage I rushed into a relationship looking for the same thing and soon started to realize that this cycle had to end.
I've known God my whole life, but I've not always let Him in and let Him speak to me. I've blocked Him out so many times. But He started working on me without me realizing it. I started to see that my happiness is not found in a man, a friendship, a parent, a job, or myself. I started to see that no matter what turn this relationship went that I would be okay. I would be more than okay. I would survive.
I started to trust. I started to trust God. I started to see what could happen if I let God into my emotions.
Over that last 3 years I've learned to love and be loved. I learned who I am in my Savior Christ Jesus. I am learning I have a Father; a Heavenly Father who chose me before I was formed in my mother's womb.
He loves me so much that He knows everything about me - even how many hairs are on my head (Luke 12:7).
I am worthy of being chosen because I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).
He knows every heartache, every hurt, every tear I have ever cried (Psalm 56:8).
My Father loves me so much that He sent His only Son so that I can be saved and live a whole life (John 3:16).
I've learned that I have a forever friend. A best friend. His name is Jesus. He has suffered everything I have and He chose to suffer for my sins and mistakes so that I can be made whole.
I have the Holy Spirit who is a blanket to me. The Holy Spirit wraps me in peace and the realization that I am never alone.
Over the last several months I have seen that I have been chosen from before I was born. I was adopted into a family, and we do share blood - the blood of Christ. I am accepted just the way I am. I don't have to look a certain way or say special words. I have been redeemed. All the mistakes I've made, all the wrong choices I've made...I've been forgiven. I am blessed.
Nancy is married to a wonderful man named Jim, mom to Brittany, Jacob, and Ella, and step-mom to Kenneth. She and Jim are raising their family in North Louisiana. Nancy loves Jesus and has found perfect peace in His perfect love.